My Zoe-fied Life

Interning at Grey Global Group, Asia Pacific

2006-06-30T17:18:00.000+08:00

Thank God It's Friday!!!

:) :) Very glad that this week has been quite a breeze at work. :) For the last two weeks, I have been working on website testing and bug reporting for the new intranet launched for the the Asia Pacific team. Can you believe it? I'm back to doing 'engineering' work again...Well, the tech girl was away on holidays, and my bosses are both non-techies, strictly industrial advertising executives, so...the task to test sites and talk to engineers to fix bugs lay on me - Janet Neo who was once an engineering intern in the Silicon Valley!!

Honestly, I decided to go with a marketing and business development internship in the advertising industry because I wanted to take a break from the techie environment. LOL...but even in this industry, it seemed that there is NO way I can run away from using my tech skills. :P

Working in a MNC with approx. 10+K employees worldwide is quite an eye-opening experience. There are so many subsidies within the same companies and even company alliances, that I was rather unsure how do things get done in a MNC. Seems very complicated at first glance!

I have not met my CEO of the Asia Pacific Region. His name is Mike Amour. Someone told me that he's a french. Many gave him a really cozy, singaporeanized name, "Mike ANG MOH". haha...It's funny. haha...

The experience working in a big firm has been enjoyable so far...Nice colleagues, mostly young people in their 20s...incidentally, my supervisor was from st nicks. the other intern was also from st nicks! hehe :) St Nick Rules!

I will be meeting Aihui and Charlie, my bay area singaporean friends, to chill out this evening. :) Haven't seen them for awhile...Am also glad that my darlings, kaiting, michelle and gwen, are also coming back to singapore sooooooooooooon!!! We need a REAL welcome back party!

A visit to the dentist

2006-05-16T02:58:00.000+08:00

My upper left wisdom tooth was 'fully erupted' according to my dentist. Eeks! No wonder I have been in alot of pain the last few days. My wisdom tooth was giving me ulcer :( Boohoo... Really thank God I got it pulled out this afternoon.

I was supposed to be doing a mobile phone market tele survey for the next 3 weeks, starting today...but for some reasons, andrew called me early this morning and postponed the starting day till tomorrow(tues). Thank God for that...so I could visit the dentist, pulled out the tooth, and have sometime to rest. I was concerned if my mouth's gonna be so swelled up that I'd have problems talking but so far, it's not that bad. :)

I asked the dentist if I could keep my wisdom tooth, and she put it in a small container for me. I am pretty surprised how big the tooth was...spent a couple of hours 'admiring' my tooth. lol... alittle silly isn't it? Well, maybe I am...after all, it's the first time I had my wisdom tooth extracted...and I know it won't be the last. The dentist said that I have 4 wisdom teeth. The upper right one will be 'fully erupted' soon. The ones at the bottom are not growing out well and are mostly hidden under my gums. Hmm.. I supposed that is an explicit hint that I'd have to have them pull out soon.

:I

Summer is here!

2006-05-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

My apologies for not updating my blog for the past weeks!

Updates on Worldsmart Program (www.worldsmart.org)
As many of you know, I've been accepted into the program early this year and I am really overjoyed because this is my dream! To travel, perform as part of cultural exchange and do community work! So I decided to raise approx. US$15,000 to set off for this program. It's a huge amount, I know, but I will just go with the flow and enjoy the fundraising process as my way of submitting to God's guidance.

Good news: After 2- 3 months of steady patience, UpwithPeople Organisation awarded me two scholarships, US$3000 and US$2000, so I have a total of US$5000 scholarship from them! Praise God! :)

Further plans:
1. Will be applying for more grants from various organisations. Possible ones include USP, NUS alumni, NUS FASS, National Youth Council, and Lee foundation. If you know of any organisations that I can apply for grants, please let me know! :)

2. Get a Summer Job as a way to raise funds.

3. Build a website for online fundraising. Hope that it can spread my dream across the globe and pray for God's angels to bless me financially.

Updates on School
Well, I finished my exams on 4th May and have been taking it easy. :) Student life is about to end soon for me. After much thoughts and enquiries, I decided to will opt out of the honors program and graduate in Dec 2006. I must say, it wasn't an easy choice, because as you know, Singapore is soooooo into paper qualifications. Many jobs even specify please do not apply if you do not have at least a 2nd upper honors degree. Anyway, God has showed me many signs that I should graduate without an honors in peace and not be worried about where He will lead me to.
So alright, I figured it is better that way. :)

Updates about career plans
This can be a stressful question to think about. Honestly, for some reasons, I feel rather lost after coming back from the bay area. My entire perspective about what I want, what makes me happy and what is beneficial for my future have changed. Then of course, there are questions like 'will I get used to the work culture in Singapore?', 'how far do I want to integrate myself back to Singapore?', 'people work too much here and have no life bcos work is draining.' Cant help but to think about all these... So I decided that I want to cast this aside and let God do the thinking for me. Just look around, explore different potential jobs, talk to people, find out more...and see how it goes.

Update about attending caregroup
It has been pretty wonderful and certainly very helpful in helping me to readjust back to Singapore. Frankly, the readjustment process is unexpectedly long but i think it's normal. It has been 4 months for me. I remember desmond told me he took 6 months to get used to Singapore, so I'm doing just fine :) Anyway, just as I worked on reconciling certain issues with God, I got to know an incredible friend, Alvin, from the caregroup and it really set me free from the kind of questions I have in my mind about why my life was so freaking screwed up at some point in time in cali.

Other than that, God has been showing me what to focus on for this season - the season of breakthrough through learning how to live wisely. On sunday, I felt like going to the bookstore and ended up buying myself a study guide on proverbs which was totally unplanned. I read abit about proverbs that night and on monday, I studied proverbs 9. Two days ago, felt so drawn to read the proverbs again, this time, I read the entire book of proverbs in one afternoon. This has never happened before. How can I read so much just like that?? it's the bible! LoL...Must be the Spirit of God, I say. What do you think? The biggest takeaway was that I understood the importance of learning, drilling and grounding ourselves in the Word of God for His wisdom will be our protection, health and wealth. We can have faith in God, but without His wisdom, christians can also be hurt by the stupid or dangerous choices that they make. So this is very, very important. If you want to be smart, yes, I want to be smart, so I am dedicating myself to learn about how to live wisely for this year.

Last night, I went for a christian concert by Curtis Chapman in my church's auditorium. It was incredibly moving and awesome. Check it out www.stevencurtischapman.com

NUS and many sleepless nights

2006-04-10T04:21:00.000+08:00

Can't remember how many sleepless nights I have since the start of March madness!

Just finished my financial scholarship application, wrote 3 long essays! Really tired now...

Got to remember to mail my US tax filing by tomorrow! Learnt an interesting lesson on US taxes pertaining to foreign aliens over the weekend. hehe :)

Too much admin work this weekend...Thank God for the strength to persevereeeeeeeeeeeee

My first care group meeting

2006-03-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

Just came back from my first caregroup meeting and I know I've to note this very special moment down.

I feel empowered by God's love.

I think this is what my heart yearns for... genuine fellowship. It is in God that I find my power!

I shared a few things with the group and it helped me realized some really powerful messages that God wants me to know:

1. There are some things you just cannot compromise. One of them is God and His words.

2. When you face your vulnerabilities and brokeness, God appears.

3. A child without a Father is a child without love, hope and faith.

During the caregroup meeting, I wasn't sure if it's just me... I felt the strong presence of God as the group shared their stories. I noticed that most people are rather passive in stepping up to share their faith, not sure if it's just today but I am definitely looking forward to more caregroup sessions and hear of God's works in others' lives.

I am back on track. I am. :)

10 Love Mistakes Women Make with Men

2006-03-24T05:58:00.000+08:00

The 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably MakeWith Men- And What To Do About It...

An email from a friend. Interesting to read if you dont want to break your heart again. :)

Here Are The Top Reasons Why Women Cheat ThemselvesOut Of Living The Love Life Of They're Dreams- AndHow To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them...

Mistake #1) Betting Your Love-Life On His "Potential"
Do you know any women who want the manthey're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friendswho date guys who don't have much going for themor who don't treat them very well. Somehow these women always have an excusefor the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here? It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices ofmen on how "nice" or "good" someone is to themday-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because theyfeel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with aguy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years... But why in the world would a woman do that!? Well, to put it simply, they confuse thestrong attraction they feel for the guy witha deeper "connection". Women who do this are doomed to end upin failed relationships with the "wrong" guys. How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundredtimes... And because I've been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationshipsI've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much. I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping thatI would somehow change.

The women I dated hoped I'd change. The only thing they saw in me that ledthem to want to keep me around was the "potential"they saw in me to share my feelings and communicatewith them. The potential for something better andthe potential for me to change and be a betterlover, boyfriend, companion or whatever... The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at thesethings at the time. And more importantly, I wasn't even at a placein my life where I knew how to or was interestedin developing a deep and committed relationship -with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that ifthey tried hard enough, that it would make upfor what was lacking.

They believed that I could become someone elsewith them.... and that this would be easy for usboth. Talk about a losing battle. I don't make a lot of "logical" sense...

But until you accept that lots of women dothis AND that YOU could be doing it on some level,you'll NEVER have the success with men that youchoose and want.

Mistake #2) Assuming You "Get" Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quicklypick apart certain things about his style, bodylanguage, status and character that will tell herall kinds of things about him. Lot's of women don't even consciously see thatthey do this because the process is so obvious andsimple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generallymore visual. As a result, they often don't understandnon-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotionalawareness and "intuition".

Women don't seem to remember this about men. So do men feel sexually attracted to w0menbased just on looks? Or is something else going on? Well, after studying this topic for years now,and talking to thousands of men and women, I cantell you that men have their "attraction mechanisms"triggered by things OTHER than looks. Especially when it comes to longer termrelationships.

Looks just happen to be the most obvious way... But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language ANDcommunication correctly, you can make men feelthe same kind of powerful sexual attraction toyou that YOU feel when you see that hot, greatlooking guy that you got to know. But it's not an accident.

You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how...

Mistake #3) Pretending To Be Something For A Man

In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention,to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attentionwill make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted tothe types of women who kiss up to them, makeweak plays for affection or complain to getwhat they want... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here. Things like beingsexy for a man or encouraging him to share hisfeelings can be good, but it has to be genuine,unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don't have to act like an "easy" womanfor men to like you, and you certainly don't haveto play like he's some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly,at an subconscious level, lower your social statuswith a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with howhe sees you as a woman. So if you think that making him more attractedto you means "playing to the man's fantasies" fromthe start, think again.

You'll never succeed by looking for a man'sapproval, finding your way into his heart throughsex and not being yourself.

Mistake #4) Sharing How You "Feel" Too Early With Him

Another huge and unfortunate mistake thatmost women make with men is sharing how they"feel" too early on.

Listen... Attractive, single, successful men are rare.

They get a LOT of attention from women. Most women don't realize this, but attractive menare being approached in one way or another all thetime by women.

And guess what?

Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive men offand sends him running away faster than just aboutanything... It's a woman who starts saying "You know, I really,REALLY like you" after one or two dates.

This signals to the man that you're just likeone of those "clingy" stereotype women who wantto rush into a relationship and can't controlyourself from wanting a man to fulfill them andcomplete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...

Mistake #5) Misreading The Important "Signals" That Men Send

Men are constantly communicating how theyfeel about a woman and giving away big secretsabout themselves. Most women don't pay attention to thesesignals or recognize them for what they reallyare.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life -stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available"
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you and forwhat reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growinga relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals inthese areas completely on accident. That's great news to women.... Men can't help it!

You need to learn to recognize these signals toget anywhere with a man.

Mistake #6) Relying On Your Natural Ability To JudgeA Man's Character

People aren't easy to figure out. Especially the opposite sex. The last several years of my life I'vespent hundreds of hours learning to understandpeople. I've studied peoples behavior, "innerpsychology" and more specifically how theythink and act when they're dating.

From what I've seen, both men and womenhave their own secret ways of saying things. But you can only see these secretcommunications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, bodylanguage, sarcasm, and flirting when they'refirst getting to know a man. They can either directly or indirectlylet men know if they're open to somethingmore serious.

Men are different. Men generally communicate with sarcasm,humor, cockyness and other "indirect" displaysof status. Very rarely will a man be able to honestlycommunicate to a woman whether or not he'sready or capable of developing a meaningfulrelationship. Aside from their sexual interests, mensend very indirect signals about where they'reat.

If you don't know how to read through thesignals men send, then you'll get the wrongmessage. Getting the wrong messages from men causeswomen more pain and heartache than any otherissue around.

You can avoid this pain if you learn toindentify a good man from a bad one.

Mistake #7) Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I've seen women make is thinkinga guy will change her life and make her happyand fulfilled. And sure, there are situations and relationshipswhere this happens.

But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster thanhearing or sensing that a woman immediatelywants him to take care of her.

And the men who ARE looking for this kindof situation aren't exactly the most healthy,loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, "controlling, macho or serious Mom Issues!" So let me be clear....

I think it's important that people helpfulfill each other in their lives, whetherit's dating, a relationship, etc. But if a woman communicates that she'slooking for a guy to take care of her, completeher, make her whole, and all that kind ofstuff - it has a VERY negative effect on whatthe man will think of her. It doesn't have to be spoken by the womaneither... If a woman thinks or feels this way, the manwill see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a womancan do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involvedin your life in a more "natural" way, wherehe'll be motivated to make you care about yourhappiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works forpeople - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than externalmotivation. But you have to know how to create this situationwith a man....and it rarely happens by accident.

Mistake #8) Trying To "Convince" Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a manthat they REALLY like... but he's just notthat interested or isn't as serious?

Right! They try to "convince" the man tofeel differently.

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHENIT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differentlyabout you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it. If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how inthe world do you expect to change that by being"reasonable" with him? But we all do it.

Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women whodon't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but itNEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it,but it doesn't change the way she FEELSabout him. When a man just isn't interested, womenwill try and chase, compliment, convince anddo their best to change his mind with logicaland rational approaches. Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

Mistake #9) Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...

And I don't mean just sex. I know, it might be hard to believe, butif you're out on a date with a man, he alreadyhas an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out,and you just sit there looking at him and flirting,or trying things you think will make him want you,he won't help!

If you don't know what to do in each situation,you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

Mistake #10) Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER havingthe kind of success and finding the kind ofman and relationship that they truly want. I know, you don't like to make yourselflook weak or helpless. We don't like to askfor help.

Congratulations, Janet Neo!

2006-03-17T12:03:00.000+08:00

YAY! I just received an email that I got into the WorldSmart Program!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! www.worldsmart.org

haha!! YAY YAY!
(^_^)

I found the only professor in NUS who does social networks 2 days ago and he is Prof Albert Teo!!!! haha... Well, I seriously reconsidering about not doing honors.

The irony behind rationalism

2006-03-10T13:38:00.000+08:00

Do you know what's the most dangerous virus in a modern capitalist society like Singapore?

It is the "spirit" of MONEY. The desire to climb up the corporate ladder, to buy big cars, big houses and big everything... Who hasn't feel this pressure to EXCEL?

I had been reading alot on Marx and Weber. Read about Capitalism, Alienation, False Class Consciousness, The Protestant Ethics and the spirit of Capitalism, Different types of rationality, and the Iron Cage of Rationality. It is eye-opening to draw so many parallels in their theories to our society today. Whether we are aware or not, we are in a Capitalist society, and therefore, we are all alienated. False consciousness make us think that because we get better wage, better this and that, we are not separated from the self. It is really a fallacy if we understand the theories behind Capitalism.

Interestingly, from my sociology of education class, I am beginning to see how the Singapore education system subscribes to the 'eugenics' ideology: Let us filter the smarts by streaming, exams, and academic grades. Let us groom the smarts to be future leaders of Singapore by giving them scholarships. Let us worship the smarts. May they leave their legacy for generations to come.

This ideology is seriously pervasive in our society, don't you agree? The hunger and thirst to reach the Number 1 goal: To be a "smartie". Who hasn't feel the push of this ideology dragging them to slave for the ultimate grades and the ultimate jobs? Being a 'smartie' justifies every single reason that one DESERVES to be a good worker, a good boss, and a good leader. It's so rational, isn't it?

Weber taught us about the Iron Cage of Rationality that arises from one's excessive rationalism. When one is so focused on being rational, he becomes irrational. The danger that lies behind this ideology is that it dehumanizes the 'smarties' who do not have strong values about the meaning and purpose of life. It is easy to sight of what life is about when we are surrounded by the air of prestige and the seduction of material goods.

Can we count on rationality to guide us in life?

March-ing through the semester

2006-03-03T14:12:00.000+08:00

March is the most 'exciting' period this semester because there are so many deadlines for different kinds of mid-term academic essays, individual and group ones, tutorial discussion papers and mid-term tests.

I don't know if I am so used to taking up so many challenges all at once during my silicon valley days that all of the sudden, everything in school is just so relax and straight-forward. Some schoolwork may be time-consuming, but generally, it doesn't make me stressed out.

I'm rather happy this month because there are many deadlines. haha... I wonder if it is a queer thing to say since most people would be happy if they had nothing to do!

Anyway, one of the goals I set for myself this semester is to enjoy school life the simple way: Go to school, go for class, do some work and be with friends and family. Forget about piling new responsibilities on my back.

It's a really nice feeling not to be a workholic. One very precious lesson I learnt in Silicon Valley is that the mind knows no limit in desiring for achievements. Isn't that a good thing? Well, it's no when you become a super 'achiever'. Too much things to achieve, and too little time for me to be with myself.

Well, I'm doing pretty well on that. :) I wanted to go for Harvard-NUS Conference, Innovate Conference in Shanghai n Tokyo, Yale Summer School, Internships with I-banks, and a whole bunch of this and that but so far, I managed to tame my ambition to try new things; I have only apply for Worldsmart(as planned) and a summer internship with Goldman(which I know I'm most likely not gonna get).

How's everyone doing in March?

untitled

2006-01-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

It has been 3 weeks and I think I'm over the excitement of being home. I'm beginning to get alittle bored of the routine life... go to school, meet with friends, eat and sleep, hmm... it's relaxing but something inside me is screaming that I need to find something more exciting to do.

At the Funeral of my Laptop

2006-01-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

My Mum has been asking me if my laptop died for the last few days... True enough, when I tried to use my laptop for the first time since my last use at least a week ago, I noticed it wouldn't power up. The smell of death was everywhere.

The death of my Toshiba tetra 9100 was confirmed by Technician at Toshiba Centre in Sci Fac at 1630 hours.

Oh well, don't know if my mum has a sixth sense about my laptop....

Don't know if it's a blessing or a disaster.

Maybe a blessing? :) hehe...

Well, not sure what I should do now... Getting a laptop is gonna be costly.

First week in NUS

2006-01-13T14:54:00.000+08:00

Chaotic.

From waking up early in the morning (530am), knowing where to go for lectures, bidding for modules, to scheduling lunches with friends, I feel like I'm back in Freshman Year. Feel kinda lost in campus, don't really recognize anyone, and lastly, feeling quite helpless with the online bidding system! I don't know how many times I've attempted to change my modules. :P

I almost thought I missed the online tutorial registration today! Thank God, it was a false panic attack. haha...

Still waiting for OSA to reply regarding my accomodation in campus, othewise, it's home sweet home for me this semester. Sengkang to NUS, 1.5hours/trip. Can't imagine what a waste of time it is to spend 3 hours a day on the road.

New Year Resolutions

2006-01-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

If you ask me what's the happiest thing to be back in Singapore, I'd say New Creation. :)
Attended my second service of the year today and it was refreshing. The presence of God is like the rain that falls on me. It renews my thoughts and inner-being. There is an instantaneous peace and joy that I experience. I feel that life is alot simpler when you lift it up to God instead of trying to get a hold on everything.

In this new year, I made a few resolutions:

1. I want to serenade with my Daddy God.
2. I want to get back in shape. (very crucial if I want to fit in all my existing clothes)
3. Enjoy school
4. Go to WorldSmart
5. Be very, very happy :) :)

Are you ready for this?

2006-01-05T10:50:00.000+08:00

Im applying for WorldSmart July 2006!

www.worldsmart.org

;)

Happy New Year

2006-01-02T22:15:00.000+08:00

Happy new year, everyone! :)

It has been a few days since I got back. Still having jetlag, feeling tired at weird times. Everything else has been great... went for my first church service at new cre, met many old friends. it was great. After church, I met michelle and zhicheng for dinner at Long Beach Seafood Restaurant in East Coast. It was the best thing I had since I got back.

My mom is putting me on diet. Well, I kinda expected that since I already knew I put on like a ton of weight in cali. Its kinda strange to feel that I'm bigger in size than most people on the streets now 'cos I was usually the 'smallest' back in cali. haha.

Transportation wise, I feel lonely without my baby honda civic. :) It's the bus, LRT and MRT that I have to get used to now. Re-learning what buses to take, which stop to get off... I can definitely expect more walking in the days to come!!

Home

2005-12-29T10:42:00.000+08:00

After 30hours flight from San Francisco to Singapore, I am finally home :)
Spent 18hours in Korea with Cheri and Ha-mi. Was fabulous... it was -4 deg. in Seoul. We had really great korean bbq for dinner, hang out at ha-mi's house, and the next morning, her mum made a traditional korean meal before my departure. I felt like I was on a one-day korean exchange program. hehe :)

Im glad to be home. Feels kinda out of place. Although things still look somewhat the same, but I noticed that the people have changed. My little sister is looking so funky now. :) Watching the TV made me realized how long I have been away... the familiar singapore accent, people speaking in chinese (never realize that singaporeans sound really crude with singlish until I arrived at the airport last night! haahaa)

Well, my bedroom is changed into a study room! I've no place to call 'my room' anymore. :( sad uh... There will be lots to clear in the 'study room' for the next week to find space for my stuff...

Will be getting a cellphone (they call it mobile/hand phone here) today.

rain, rain, go away

2005-12-03T03:52:00.000+08:00

it has been raining all week and i caught a bad cold. :(

about 3 weeks to departure, im not sure what im feeling at this moment. just trying to settle all my misc. stuff - selling my baby honda, furnitures, buying gifts, and finishing up my business case!

6th batch at the 7th batch's farewell dinner, 30 Nov 2005, Crown Plaza Hotel, Palo Alto.

Interesting conversation with Joanes on Elena's birthday

2005-11-23T12:55:00.000+08:00

Joanes is my coworker from Cataphora. He sits next to me at work. :) He's french, and loves martial arts. Most of the time, he's quiet but can be kinda funny when he's not programming. :P

So last night, I had an interesting conversation with Joanes about random things - work, technology, my plan after going back to singapore, and so on. There were two things that Joanes said that I thought was great takeaways from the talk we had.

1. The story of the Oak Tree and Bamboo. "The bamboo bends but it never breaks." To survive, one has to adapt to its environment.

2. Joanes told me a story about his Father. Joanes's father is a teacher in France. During the first day of the new school year, his father would always set the relationship clear with his students. I thought that was a really wise management technique to learn from. Set the dynamics at the beginning, so everyone would understand what your role. I think that it's hard for people to follow you if they think that you're their friend. I remember someone telling me that you have to choose between being Mr Popular and Mr Boss. A good leader doesn't win the popularity contest but people respects him for what he does.

work@cataphora

2005-11-22T13:45:00.000+08:00

another month to go before i leave my job officially. one would think that its time to slack off and just hang around until the last day but no... i think im getting more work than ever.

Not that Im complaining but just wish they had given me these tasks like way earlier in my internship. So what on earth am I working on right now?

Well, Im still officially an engineering intern in the backend development group, still doing technical writing, and all sorts of engin admin stuff. It is much more enjoyable now because i dont have to do testing anymore! :)

Other than that, Im working on recruiting. Looking for potential candidates, phone screen them, schedule them for interviews, and so on... its one of the most 'people-oriented' job for me. At least, I get to email people or talk to them on the phone for awhile.

My long delayed project in finance finally commenced last week. It's a project on Fixed Asset Management. I had to create a database on excel, then do a testing on labelling the assets using this mobile asset mgt device. It looks like a PDA, most prob functions like one too, except that its programmed for finance use. It's fun to be going through all the invoices, making sure that the numbers are right. The project is not done yet, still waiting for Tom to get back to me about running some test to make sure the labelling process works fine.

Market research is beginning to take its shape. Really glad that 5 NUSEA students volunteered to help. We have built a skeleton framework for pre-sales support database. Hopefully, by the first week of dec, we will get into phase 3 of the market research. I foresee that its gonna be the toughest because the information that we want is not easily found online.

Jitsiong and I got involved in a linguistics project about two weeks ago. It was cool. Got to see the 'real client data' for the first time, its pretty interesting to see what kind of scandalous stuff there are, and what people say to each other in the emails. :)

Im pretty stretched uh? I think so!

It helped me to understand what I like most - People.

Note: It's ELENA AHN's birthday today! She is 23. hee!

The Big Game

2005-11-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

Went to my first american football game last evening. It was the BIG GAME. Stanford Vs Berkeley. Stanford suffered a tragic loss. 3 to 27. Was kinda pathetic towards the end when stanford supporters started leaving, leaving behind the roaring cal supporters in the stadium. :)

Chris Tomlin's Indescribable Concert

2005-11-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

It was AWESOME and I meant every letter of it. For the first time in the bay area, I witnessed hundreds of passionate souls for Jesus!!! WOOHOO!!! The line was soooo long, people had to queue on the streets.

Got to know about Chris Tomlin's concert a few months ago through a friend in Stanford Mosaic. Went online to get the tickets and it was already sold out! Well, I really thought I won't be able to go and I did kinda told God about how much I would like to go.

A week ago, someone from Mosaic emailed to ask for volunteers for the concerts and volunteers will each get a free ticket. However, the timings to help out were bad. I had to work that day! Oh well, what a bummer. Last evening, someone from Mosaic emailed to say she had extra tickets for sale. I was EXCITED and replied her immediately. She wanted me to pick up the ticket at her dorm but when I called her before I left my office, she didn't pick up. Just before I left my office, Kevin Pan from Mosaic sent an email to say he had free tickets to give away because some of his friends couldn't turn up. So I got a free ticket to go to the concert! YAY!

God is good!

I booked my ticket!

2005-11-07T17:30:00.000+08:00

Hi all :)

I just purchased my ticket on cheaptickets.com

:) Im going home (singapore) on 26th Dec at 1:10pm. Will be taking Korean Air.

My Roommates

2005-11-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Peter, Mark and me. Trying out Mark's Apple Photo Booth Software.

NYC

2005-11-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

Hi all, it has been a long time since I wrote something here. Things have been kinda crazy over here. Crazy in the sense that there's too much things to do to. From work, business case n analysis writing, presentations, friends to my personal time, I really don't have much time left.

I just came back from New York on sunday. It was a great trip. I went with michelle, zhicheng and peter. I had few thoughts from the trips.

- Hanging out with Michelle and Zhicheng reminded me of my good old friends in Singapore, how we can just understand each others' stupid jokes and speaking in singlish... I miss my friends back home. I pity peter having to stick around us - the singaporeans, not sure if he gets our jokes sometimes. :P

- The city life is filled with bright lights, huge billboards and beautiful people. Yet, I can't help but to feel a sense of emptiness in the big new york city. What fills people other than tiffanys', coach, gucci, prada, clubs, musicals, and so on? The pace of life is so much faster. That reminded me of Singapore too. Taking subways, walking everywhere, people rushing here and there... It makes me realize how much I have fallen in love with the bay area. :)

Singapore to host the world’s first toilet college

2005-08-29T14:21:00.000+08:00

Singapore to host the world’s first toilet college
(AFP)

28 August 2005

SINGAPORE - The world’s first toilet college is to open in Singapore to teach cleaners how to improve their lavatory washing skills, according to local broadcaster Channel NewsAsia.

The first batch of 30 students from a local cleaning company will start their training at the Toilet College in October, it said on its website.

The college is being set up by the Singapore-based World Toilet Organisation.

“We are going to train the toilet cleaners to upgrade himself or herself to a level where he or she can take care of the entire toilet, including changing bulbs, repairing leaky taps... technical cleaning, taking away urine salt inside the toilet,” said Jack Sim, president of the World Toilet Organisation.

The college plans to offer courses on toilet design and architecture next year.

The World Toilet Organisation is a non-profit organisation with 17 members, including the Restroom Association of Singapore, the Japan Toilet Association and the Beijing Tourism Bureau.

--> i think this is so funny.

2005-08-29T13:10:00.000+08:00

Havent been doing too many major activities lately. Trying to clear up my personal admin stuff such as cleaning up my room, ironing clothes, washing car, misc. stuff like that... All seem trivial but definitely very important to help me go a further mile. :)

Labor Day weekend is around the corner and Im so looking forward to it.

Elena will be visiting this week, ill be spending time with her - shopping, cooking, hanging out, etc - and then go to LA to visit Maureen over the weekend.
:)

2005-08-29T13:05:00.000+08:00

"Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards."

-Soren Kierkegaard

dancing, curry and victoria secrets

2005-08-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

I had the most awesome weekend. :)

On friday, michelle, kaiting, mark and his 2 friends (lucia and eric), and me went ballroom dancing at Cubberley Community Centre at Palo Alto. It was only $3 for students. :) Michelle was the most popular among all of us. She got asked to dance by this older man so many times that night and he was giving her alot of private lessons. :P Mark was a great dancing partner. I really enjoyed waltz, rhumba and chacha with him. I like the way Kaiting dances salsa, I think this is the dance for her. Eric was alittle nervous about dancing because it was his first ballroom dancing session. I did some dances with him, it wasnt too bad after a few dances.

Curry party at Jasmin's was fantastic. There were so much food!!! Chicken curry, fish curry, vegetable curry, beef curry, green curry, beef rendang, hainanese chicken rice, agar agar, wu xiang, oneh oneh and yeo's soya bean milk. It was a blast!!! :)

Went groceries shopping with Peter at Costcos, Wal-mart and Trader Joes today. After that, Peter gave me a ride to Stanford Shopping Centre where I met with michelle, kaiting and raine to do some shopping. Victoria Secrets is indeed my favorite shop. :) Thank God for Michelle. She is my shopping kaki (partner)! I realized the both of us like the very similar stuff for clothes and everything else. haha :P this is great! :D

I finally got down to clean my room today! Did my laundry, mopped my floor, and rearranged my clothes n stuff. :) Whee!!!! Hooray!

a time to work, a time to rest, and a time to love

2005-08-12T11:45:00.000+08:00

It's friday. My boss is on vacation. All of the sudden, I feel so relieved. For the past month, I must say that I havent been feeling too good at work. I'm not too sure why. Could be the work, could be the office culture, could be anything...

Today, I feel like escaping from the world and into the arms of my loving Daddy God.

And I sing,

Lord, unveil my face
as I worship you
Reveal Your majesty
Touched my heart anew

Lord, unveil my eyes
to see your glorious truths
A love You gave so free
Draws my heart to you

Jesus, I can't help but love you more
When more and more I see
How much I meant to you

Jesus, I cant help but want you more
When more and more I see
Your goodness unto me

I fall in love with you
More and more

ah seng ah seng!

2005-08-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

I named my very first processing server today. He is called Ah Seng!!!! hehehe
This name is especially dedicated for my best friends, reuben and elena!

So what does Ah Seng means? I took the definition from talkingcock.com

AH SENG - Ah Beng's sidekick. Also a generic pejorative term used to denote 'anybody'. See also: Ah Beng

AH BENG - An unsophisticated Chinese boy, usually Hokkien. Stereotypically, he speaks gutter hokkien and likes neon-coloured clothes, spiky, moussed hair and accessories such as handphones or pagers, all of which are conspicuously displayed. He also likes to squat, even when a seat is available."Wah lao eh, why you so chao ah beng one?" (Goodness, why are you such an ah beng?)

Ganbate! I will fight fight fighttttttttttttttttt on! ninja! samurai! xena!

setting up processing boxes

2005-08-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

one of my new projects at work is to set up processing boxes (systems) from scratch.
i dont even know what i feel about this. The first word that came to my mind was "freak!". Indeed, I must admit that Im quite freaked out by my new task. The engineer that i was assigned to ask for help didnt quite know how to do it. As a matter of fact, I learnt from him that my boss was probably the only person who has set up the box from scratch during the early times of the company. *Thats even worse!* I can't quite imagine what am I gonna turn out after going through a hardcore series of 'engineering training'.... the thought of becoming an engineer is somewhat a nightmare for a social sciences student like me!!!!

honestly, i still feel rather repulsive being associated with the engineering profession. Not that it is not a good profession to be in, but it is so unlike me. oh well, here i go again, whine and whine... I guess Im just kinda overwhelmed by this new task. Will take me awhile to get used to it...

Welcome to the Famous 5 Club

2005-08-01T21:14:00.000+08:00

Yay, I have moved! :)

Really glad to have Reuben and Elena to witness the 2nd major upgrade of my standard of living in the bay area. :) My new roommates are cool. We have a biker and a musician. :)

Driving in San Francisco is AN experience one must have to get a taste of the unique city life. I drove up the slope on Lombard Street and went down the CURVEST Street I've ever seen! It was "absolutely fabulous" quoting from Elena. Whee!

Reuben is here!

2005-07-27T15:27:00.000+08:00

It's great to see reuben again! :D hehehe
I picked him from the airport at 4pm, and we hang out at stanford campus for abit before going for my psych class. :) I think my professor had a nice long chat with reuben after class. haha

Stanford is like a zoo. A big brown bird caught a squrriel with its right claws and was posing on a bench! The poor squrriel was like dying by the seconds. Will pose up the pictures soon.

Elena will be coming on thurs night and hang out with us till next tues!! YAYY!! yippiee hooray! :D

They're my special helpers when I move to a new place this weekend! hehe!!! From Singapore and LA. hhehe! :D

My temp new roommate, kaiting, and i adopted a jie mei aka sister recently. hehe! and he's Matt Yeow. Ho ho ho... after all the months of being the only girl in my household, im finally experiencing some sisterhood here! This is fantastic!

The Fine Print

2005-07-26T10:36:00.000+08:00

The Fine Print
by John Fischer

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4:8-10 NLT)

These verses are what I call the fine print of the Christian life. When you sign up, you sign up for this, but unfortunately, not too many people read that far into the contract, and not enough leaders point it out. So when bad things start happening to us, we think something went wrong with our faith. Not necessarily, in fact, it’s an honor to think that your faith is worthy of being tested.

It’s a reverse spiritual principle that nonetheless is true: we get beaten down so that Christ might rise in us. It’s the whole idea God has of avoiding confusion. See, He doesn’t want people confusing human power and achievement with His power and what He is achieving in and through our lives. If all Christians were super-Christians, people would be impressed with them. As it is, God wants people to be surprised at us, not so much impressed — surprised that we can keep on believing, given what has happened to us. Surprised at us — impressed with God. That’s the way it should go.

It’s important to know this so that the things that happen don’t throw us into a tailspin. Paul wrote in the passage above that troubles, confusions, knock-downs and drag-outs, are all to be expected in a life of faith, and they are not just something to suck it up and endure, they are what will actually release the power of God in our lives. We encounter deathlike experiences so that Christ’s lifelike nature may clearly be seen in us, despite what is happening.

Let me try and say this again. This is not just endurance training through tough times. This is God’s strategy for ministry through us. There is no other way for it to be done. His strategy is His power and strength through our weakness — His life through our death. This doesn’t just happen to some Christians; it happens to us all if we desire to be effective in our faith.

So don’t forget the fine print today, and allow the troubles you face to springboard you into finding God’s purposes even in this. He had this planned all along. It’s even in the contract!

The One Thing

2005-07-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

Paul Colman - The One Thing
From the album Let It Go

Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
I see this lifeIt’s valley’s and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here
Oh that brought me here

I’ve questioned my reasons
The life I’m living
I’ve questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
I’ve questioned all the things that I’ve ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

Chorus:But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Yea the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Hold me Hold me
So Hold me

Well I’ve questioned my significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I’m doing really matter at all?
Well I’ve questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Chorus: (2x’s)

Only one thing doesn’t change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains

Chorus: (2x’s)

Reflections: After much battling with life trials and indulgence in world's temptations, I find myself walking towards God again. My mind is exhausted from questioning, my body is falling apart from working to please others, my heart is scarred by many whom I have cared for. Sometimes the storms hit me so hard that I thought I would not survived, but God had pulled me through. For awhile, I've walked away from God so that I can focus on my daily life with the people (non believers) whom I care about but it is taking a great toll on my body. I am tired. I am sick. I want to meet with Him again. I want to be His darling princess and be loved again. The world is not mine to save, if I continue to pull others' burden on my back, I will wither and die of exhaustion and stress. So I fall on my knees and pray to God to heal my brokeness.

I forgot to turn off the car lights

2005-07-08T02:55:00.000+08:00

251am and I'm waiting for someone from the tolling company to come to my rescue!
I forgot to turn off my car lights last night (dunno why?!!) and my car couldnt start now! booohohohohohooo!!!!!

Although it was great that sven left a car battery charger behind, matt and I couldnt get my car to MOVE to a place where we can charge it. :( And silly me, didnt know if my car insurance would cover the cost to jump start my dead battery!!! So after flipping through all the car insurance documents I had, I found a membership card! aha! that means I have road assistance included in my car insurance! hehee :P Silly me!!!!

Independence Weekend. Happy Birthday, America

2005-06-30T21:08:00.000+08:00

Im still alittle sad but definitely less sad than yesterday.

Thinking about what to do this long weekend. Well, other than watching lotsa dvds, Im planning to clean the apartment, do my homework for my psych class and go for a surf lesson on saturday! :D

On sunday, Im going for a BBQ party with Desmond, charlie, wailing, and all the rest to Jasmine's place to celebrate independence day the american way! heh! will be fun. :) I'll be picking matt from the airport on sunday night! :D I'm so looking forward to seeing matt again! Really miss him!

Im contemplating to go for a spa retreat on tuesday. hmm...

My Saddest Day in 2005

2005-06-29T11:20:00.000+08:00

Today is perhaps my saddest day in 2005.

Sven left. It was kinda emotional. All the packing and clearing things, all of the sudden, what used to be there in the house were gone. EMPTY.

And yes, we cried.

The time has come...

2005-06-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

Sven is leaving at 9am.

It is now 130am.

Between the lines and spaces, there are so much my heart feels yet I do not know where or how to express them for it may just make it harder to part.

Who Am I

2005-06-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

- Casting Crowns

I heard this song on my way back from school and it totally struck me.

How much have I strayed from the God whom I have claimed to love?

Summer cleaning!

2005-06-25T20:37:00.000+08:00

Sven and I cleaned the entire apartment today! Gosh, it's ALOT OF HARD WORK.

Cleaned the kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, bedroom and everything!

and now, I wish for a spa retreat. :)

When I grow up, I want to be a ...

2005-06-21T14:53:00.000+08:00

When I was in primary school, my language teachers often gave me an essay topic on 'My ambition'. I supposed it was to encourage me to let my imagination run wild.

Well, now I'm 21 years old, almost reaching the end of my tertiary education and I wonder how many people still remember what was or were their ambitions several years ago?

I remember my first ambition was to be a teacher. Why? I thought being a teacher was cool. A teacher could use a red pen (yea, I somewhat understood that a teacher has authority and a powerful influence on his/her students). Another reason could be that being teacher was probably the only interesting occupation that I know of then. Teach during school term, organize school outings and events, and most importantly, a teacher gets to enjoy school holidays! :)

My second ambition was to be a flight attendent. Why? The thought of being in a plane and travelling around the world to see all kinds of people and culture was intriguing. It's like having a holiday everyday! :) I eventually gave up the idea of being a flight attendent because I didn't qualify for the 'height' criteria. LOL!

What's my ambition now? I am looking forward to the day when I run my own preschool and be a part-time artist. What kind of artist? I don't know. Probably free-style abstractionism art? I have no idea. Just want to participate in something that simulates my creativity. :)

Steve Job's Speech at Stanford Graduation Ceremony

2005-06-16T12:59:00.001+08:00

Over the past weeks, I have been trying to make sense out of what is going on in my life at this moment.

Having a job in a tech company, being in this NOC program, looking at the osbtacles (work, people and life in general) that I have gone through since I got here, what do they mean? Where is the love in my life?

I must say I dont really think I love my current job although I know it will good training for the things that I love to do. When I look at my friends or just some random people whom I see doing things that they love (For instances, a computer geek doing software development and a computer engineer geek developing methods to automate processes.), I began to ask myself what am I doing here?

I want to be out there doing something that gives me a chance to be with people, to make a difference in their lives - be it selling them something to make them feel good, counselling people to help them see the light to their problems or educating people so that they can develop a critical thinking mind of their own to take charge of their own lives.

Will I get to the point where I will be doing what I truly love to do? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes, I feel weary and wonder if I will really get to do what I love to do. What if I die tomorrow?

So earlier this morning, Weisheng sent an email to share Steve Job's speech at Stanford Graduation Ceremony last Sunday. It gave me hope and faith again. Just have to trust (in God, at least for me) that all the dots in our lives will connect itself like a piece of artwork. Time will unfold the glories of God's tender love and purpose for each of us.

Do take some time to read Job's speech.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

The stories of our lives

2005-06-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

Been awhile since I updated my blog...

Everything is allllllllll good. Never felt so good in a long time. I feel very settled these days in the midst of CHANGE.

Matt has left for family visit in France.
Maureen is graduating on Sunday and moving back to LA on monday.
Garry arrived in SF for the APPLE Developers' conference last friday.
My mum and sis will probably visit me on the FIRST week of july if everything goes well.
Sven is leaving in a couple of weeks.
Gwen accepted the Internship offer by Ebooks and Tim got an internship in Facetime Communications. The plan is to rent a BIG house in palo alto area. hhehee We're gonna be ONE BIG FAMILY! hehee

The end of something brings about a beginning in something else but the love and friendship that we have shared never goes away. They simply transformed into fond memories that live close to my heart.

I watched '5 people you meet in heaven' a few days ago. Very touching and extremely thought-provoking for those who seek to make sense out of their lives.

Roadtrip on Memorial Weekend

2005-06-01T12:30:00.000+08:00

Just got back from my last big roadtrip before sven leaves the bay area.

It was awesome to drive 3100miles (approx. 5000km) in 4.5 days just to see the sculptures of President Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln on Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, and the wonders of nature in US's largest National Park - Yellowstone. This park is so huge that it spreads across three states (Wyoming, Idaho and Montana).

I wish the trip didn't have to end.

Matt is leaving on Friday and we're having our final farewell family dinner at Desmond's dinner tonight. Although Matt is going away for a month, it is alittle hard to accept the change that is about to come in my way - good friends (sven, matt and maureen) leaving, might need to find new housemates after July, friends coming from Singapore and so on.

I guess today will be the day that signifies the beginning of the ending of this particular chapter of my experience in Silicon Valley.

Friends whom I have grown to love

2005-05-25T18:30:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling alittle emotional lately because of the friends whom I have grown to love here.

In less than 2 weeks, Matt will be returning to France to visit his family.
In less than 4 weeks, Maureen will be moving back to LA after graduating from Stanford.
In less than 7 weeks, Sven will be returning to the Netherlands.

Time flies when you're leading a satisfied and fulfilling life. There are so much I wanna do with my dearest friends before they go away. In my opinion, parting is the hardest part of friendships. :( I don't know how to describe this feeling that I'm having.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like crying.

Maroon5 Rocks!

2005-05-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

Maroon5 concert at HP Pavillion Rocks! :D

Emnimem, Real Slim Shady and 50 cents will be coming on 19th July! :D
That's so totally cool! :D

music to my ears

2005-04-29T18:53:00.000+08:00

i think i like chinese pop music. :) LoL

I'm at work and listening to...

S.H.E -- an all-girl taiwanese pop group "Re Dai Yu Lin (Tropical forest?)"

Elva Hsiao -- Ai De Zhu Da Ge (Love's Theme Song)

Jay Chou - "Jian Dan Ai (Simple Love)"

Songs that my sis was kinda crazy over just before I came to cali. :P

2005-04-29T11:54:00.000+08:00

Yes! I got my FIRST paycheck since last december :)

2005-04-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

I'm restless this week.

My auto cruise control didn't work since monday. My alarm didn't work since last week. My front wind shield is still cracking. It is depressing.

Good news: Gas prices are dropping this week.

Cataphora Spring Outing at Great America

2005-04-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

From left: Neji, Catrinel, Svehana, Chad, Me, Kenneth, Matt, Sven and William

Great America

2005-04-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

Great America. Matt and me on a buggie car in kiddieland.

Napa Valley

2005-04-23T09:16:00.000+08:00

From left: Maureen, Me and Lena. Hess Wineyard and Art Gallery, Napa Valley

Spring Roadtrip

2005-04-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

I went on a road trip with some friends over the last weekend.Travelled to hoover dam, grand canyon, las vegas and death valley in 3days. We drove 2900km. Sounds impossible? We did it! :D

Travelling never fails to bring fresh and new perspectives about the way I view my life. It changes the way I feel about things and people. For an instance, I think I'm beginning to learn how to love seeing places and people without getting too emotionally involved. Honestly, I have to agree with my christian beliefs that how people and things come and go. Whatever I see and do is never permanent. The friends I have today may go away too, not because we stop being friends but because we are separated by the countries we come from or simply by our career paths/life directions.

I can already foresee how much I'm gonna miss matt and sven when they leave the bay area. They have been really great friends and housemates. My bay area experience would never be so fun and light-hearted without these wonderful friends. I love them!

Im looking forward to our next adventure in Seattle and Vancouver, Canada.

2005-04-17T03:31:00.000+08:00

We made it to Death Valley :)

2005-04-17T03:29:00.000+08:00

Death Valley

2005-04-16T03:32:00.000+08:00

Grand Canyon

my week at work

2005-04-14T18:00:00.000+08:00

I was given a new task late last week to do dinner catering from monday to thursday.
it was pretty good till the food that came last night wasn't enough for everyone. some people complained that food was not enough and should have more variety.
so, this morning, i didnt have to do this job anymore. The Office Manager was asked to do it herself so that i can concentrate on my assigned work in engineering.

i think i learnt alot about the company this week, i mean the people part of it. Just by chatting and hearing from different people, it kinda spice up my internship alittle.

I had my first lunch outing today. Went to ABC seafood restaurant for dim sum with Ali, one of the linguists here. The Arts People Unite! Honestly, the more I work in a tech environment, the more I believe that people with an arts education background are uniquely different from the rest for the fact that we know and admire what's make people Humans. Arts people have a stronger thirst and respect for human interactions.

So my reflection for this week is to ponder on the difference between professionalism and self-identity. Can I be professional and yet have a sense of belonging with my colleagues? Can people be professional and still care for one another as they would care for their friends and family? How does the 'friend' thing works in a professional environment? We all know its not too good to get too personal at work but there should be an element of friendship that cultivate cooperation, understanding, and mutual respect.

My Training in Engineering...
I am one step closer to becoming a professional software engineer. :)
I have completed my first real draft for the engineering process for my department. It's not an easy task honestly. Took me two weeks to have enough understanding to write something. Right now, i need to put them into flowcharts and of cos, its not easy. Need more brain power.
*incidentally, I have been taking lotsa CAFFEINE this week*

As I am writing this blog entry, I am attempting to teach myself introduction to computing and programming.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer
http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites

now i know why computers send messages in 0 and 1. LoL

New DS form, New insights

2005-04-08T15:31:00.000+08:00

--------------------------------------------------
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I'll soar with You above the storm
Father, You're king above the flood
I'll be still
Know You're God
--------------------------------------------------

I received my new DS forms today. :)
Isn't that cool? Hooray!! hehee, I am OFFICIALLY an Intern in Cataphora.
Had some great conversations with Lee and Ana today. Lee is my HR manager (Without her, I wouldn't be in Cataphora today). Ana is my office manager (She buys us great food for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks every week). After being in Cataphora for 8 weeks, I'm beginning to feel a sense of my identity in this company.

Incredible, isn't it?

During lunch, Marke, William and I spoke about the reason the Singapore Government sent me to the valley and the climate of entrepreneurship in Singapore. Later on, Ken, Lee and I spoke about the diversity of cultures (in cali, in places they grew up in, n etc). Actually, it began with eggs, then to some therma stick stuff that lee n ana bought for elizabeth's back, then to chinese 'qi', fengshui, cities we live in, and so on...

I feel alive again :)
This is what truly satisfies me as a human being, interacting with REAL people, and REAL lives.

Thank God, He has heard my cry. People are made of souls, blood and flesh, they aren't meant to be treated or live like a robot.

For the past few days, I just wanna stand still in the midst of His presence, and give Him all my praises and thanks for hanging there with me every moment even when I don't feel like He's there.

Do you know what's the toughest thing being a christian?

It's the fact that when I'm put in a place where no one believes or really believes in the kinda love relationship that I have with God, I feel like denying my identity in Him so that I can be part of them.

And the craziest thing is that I get stressed out trying to do that, and realized that I cannot live without Him. I simply cannot abandon my love with God because His love sustains me.

His love comforts me when I'm lonely, poor, insecure, and depressed. His love inspires me to scale greater heights. His love gives me wisdom and knowledge about everything that I want to know. His love surrounds my whole being. This is the ideal love in an imperfect world with imperfect people.

If you know what I'm talking about, you'd agree this is the GREATEST thing we have done for ourselves in this life.

my first 525am in california

2005-04-07T05:38:00.000+08:00

well, i slept for 4 hours after i got back from work today.

its 525am. I wrote about 2 pages for my business case and did some catching with my friends back home.

Am I stress? Nope! :) In fact, I'm feeling quite hyper. The feeling of being awake at such a crazy hour is nostalgic for me. The last time I stayed up till late to rush my homework was during the days in NUS!!! Rushing for term papers, rushing to study for tests n exams.

In fact, I was alittle too stressed about my business case and analysis the past week that I got two pimples! My housemates were incredibly horrified by the amount of stress and competition we (singaporeans or asians in general) go through as an undergraduate.

Well, come to think of it, is there a time that I wasn't stressed about something during the semester? What about you, my friends?

Corny joke from Elwyn

2005-04-07T05:23:00.000+08:00

Elwyn - Whoever wants to hear corny joke to relive stress can msn me.. says:
the next pope is gonna be a chinese called popiah.. haaa

P.S. For my international readers, popiah is a hokkien (one of the mandarin dialect) word for chinese rolls.

NBA - Golden State Warriors Vs Houston Rockets in Oakland, California

2005-04-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

I watched my first LIVE NBA game last night.
Yes, I saw Yao Ming and he is TALL.

I think one can never say he has been in america without going for a NBA game. The complete basketball experience included lotsa pop/rock/rnb music, live band singing, violinist performance, sexy hot cheerleaders dancing, cool basketball stunts, games giving away cash, jam squad (dancing - kid's version), free pizzas giveaway, and crowd cheering and booing.

The game began at 730pm and ended around 10pm. For a price of US$55, you get 2.5 hours of non-stop entertainment and the thrill of watching the game itself. I was totally swept away!

As my housemate said, this is basketball, the hollywood style. :)
I can't agree more with that.

So what's the score of the game?
Golden State Warriors trashed Houston Rockets. As for the exact score, I probably forgot them by the time I step out of the stadium. LOL!

Visa transfer approved today!

2005-03-28T13:51:00.000+08:00

Everything's getting from better to great after an awesome Easter weekend in LA. :)

God has everything worked out for me! :) Yippie!

LA trip

2005-03-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

It is so cool to be in LA this weekend. I'm in holiday mood. :)

Here's a list of what I did so far:

Friday
330pm - sven picked me up at work, went to pick up our rental car at e-enterprise.
4ish - There wasn't any economy car at e-enterprise but we got a really good catch. The sales person offered us an immediate car (Nissan Sentra) for the price of an economy car. He waived the underage fee, mileage fees and we got extra car insurance. :) Much more than what we could asked for! :D
5ish - pack.pack. pack.
610pm - READY TO GO! Traffic was kinda bad but it got better along the way. :)
1++ am - got stopped by police at Griffith Park while we were checking for motels to go on the GPS.
2am - after much 'hunting' in hollywood, we gave up. Motel 6 was fully booked. The rest of the motels were either too expensive or didn't look safe.
230am - arrival at LA international airport motel 6. We checked the motel 6 guidebook, called the LAX branch, and got ourselves a room. :) hehe The receptionist said they had only one vacant room available. We were very lucky indeed!

Saturday
12pm - checked out Motel 6
12-2pm - LA Dodgers Stadium
2-4pm - Drove through LA chinatown, Little Tokyo, Korean Town, Beverly Hills
4-5+pm - Toured Hollywood
5-7pm - Drove to Long beach to watch sunset and went to see Queen Mary Ship. It was really cool.
730pm - Dinner @ Burger King
8 - 9pm - Dessert @ Cold Stones in Santa Ana
9pm - 10+pm - Drove through Disneyland. couldn't find any free parking, so we drove on.
10 - 11pm - Drove to Seal Beach. Passed by Seal Beach Naval Weapon BaseCamp. Went round Cypress College 3 times till the college patrol car showed up and followed us! hehe
11+pm - met Raymond @ Thai BBQ restaurant across Cypress College. :)
11+++pm - arrived @ Raymond's house. It was a new house on a new street, so we couldn't locate the place on mapquest or GPS earlier on. :) it was cool. really happy to see raymond again!

Plans for sunday
1115am - Easter church service @ saddleback church, lake forest. its about 33mins drive from here.
1-2pm - Anaheim Angel's Stadium Tour. Raymond will be joining us.
4 - 5pm - Set off for HOME! Will drive parts of highway 1 to see the beautiful beach scenery before getting on highway 5 to head home. :)

Thank God for an awesome budget trip. :)

Easter in LA

2005-03-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

I have a business case study and analysis due on 7th april and I got started with 'thinking' a few days ago. While I was doing my 'thinking', I had an IMPULSE to go to LA for Easter.

It says on the window screen, "Easter at Saddleback Church".

I really missed church. Actually, I miss being in His presence with others who are also touched by His love. I miss worshipping the Lord with all my heart and soul. It is hard to be a christian. People (I mean non-believers, maybe believers too) have their own ideas about 'christianity' and 'religion'. I find it so hard to explain this whole thing about God sometimes especially when people do not genuinely have an open-mind to hear about this God that I know.

To many Americans, Easter is just another holiday - a day filled with coloured eggs and bunnies. but to me, this day is especially sentimental because 2005 years ago, Jesus died and rose again.

I am really excited about LA. In less than 24 hours, I will be leaving for LA. This time, I will be driving down with my housemate!

Dinner at Desmond's on Sunday

2005-03-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

Time flies when you're having fun. It makes me wonder why happiness seems to be short-lived.

Well, last sunday was really cool. went to desmond's place for dinner. Charlie and Wailing were there too. We had dinner from 7 to 10ish. Singapore is surely famous for EATing. :) We had awesome home-cooked singaporean chinese food with bak ku teh *Yum*

For desserts, we have FRESHLY-MADE pancakes from the Netherlands! :) Yeap, Sven made pancakes for all of us. I helped to slice the apples. Matt did chocolate fondue again. :)

I think the process of making pancake is like the specialisation of labor in economic theory. Sven mixed the flour, egg, and milk. Spread the mixture on the pan till pancake is ready. I helped to serve the pancake. Matt n Wailing added hot chocolate, strawberries, cinnamon and brown sugar to the pancake, sliced them before serving. The plate went round the table and back to Chef Sven.

haha. okie, i just thought it was funny. After years of studying economics, this is how I apply the economics theories. :P

2005-03-17T13:18:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about the concept of God in my life.

What or who is God exactly? Can I put a word to it?

I came across a brilliant verse today.

No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love has been brought to full expression through us.
-1 John 4:12 NLT

The Driving Experience

2005-03-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

Other than driving on road itself, I learnt of other responsibilities that I have to bear for my baby Honda, such as the car registration, car title transfer, car safety, car insurance and so on...

I just got back from the DMV. Thank God, the registration went extremely smooth today. :) YAY! Now I need to get car insurance and then, I have to find a way to clean my baby. :) :)

Work is quite relaxing this week. Roman is busy with other projects, hence I am back to testing redactions. :) I like this job, particularly because it doesn't kill too much of my braincells and I get to listen to music and update my blog. :) :)

About my housemates... things don't seem to be going too well for the both of them. Matt forgot to switch off his headlights and his bike wouldn't work when he knocked off from work. Sven's laptop broke down and none of the Sony stores could repair it because it was an international customized laptop. I feel for him. The last time my laptop broke down, I broke down too. All my precious photos and music were gone as well. The Toshiba Repair Centre in NUS took about a month to fix it. I felt utterly useless without a laptop. Let's hope things get better for Sven.

2005-03-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

At Hotel Utah Saloon in San Francisco last saturday. Sven's colleague plays in a band - The Pebble Theory.

I drove and drove and drove...

2005-03-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

Oh yea... driving is so fun. :)

Chad took me to Oracle to collect my car today but he didnt guide me back to the office. I guess that gave me a good start to drive independently. It wasn't that long a drive, just a mile or so since Oracle is like 2 mins away from my office.

Later in the day, Paul and Jit Siong took me driving to starbucks near our office. It was fun :)

The main part of my driving practice was in the evening. Jit Siong guided me from office to his apartment, and from his apartment to IKEA in Palo Alto, and finally from IKEA back home in mountain view. :)

Night lessons were very helpful too. Sven took me driving in the parking lots and showed me how to park my car. :) hehee!

I'm really glad for so many great friends. :)

My white honda civic ex coupe

2005-03-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

I got my car today! Yippie!!

You won't believe how easy and fast it was! I saw an ad on craigslist in the late afternoon, sent an email to the guy, and he called within the next hour!

It turned out that the guy works in ORACLE. That's like 2 mins away from my office! LoL
We had the test drive immediately. :)

I must say Hanzhong is really pro at test driving cars! I'm really thankful that he did a fantastic job in testing the car inside out! :)

I'm happy! God answered my prayers really fast. Just last night, I was telling him that I will go with His flow to buy a car and wow.... I got a car today!

Isn't that amazing?

what do i live for?

2005-03-08T15:33:00.000+08:00

"...the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." I Timothy 1:5 (NAS)

Can you feel the heat?

2005-03-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

It's been an awesome week.

It's my best friend's 21st birthday! :) Happy 21st birthday, ELENA!!!! (^_^) It was a shame that I couldn't fly to Newport beach to be at her birthday party but I will throw her a POST 21st birthday party when she comes visit me during the spring break.

Gwen n Garry got into the NOC SV program and if everything goes well, they'll be arriving in JULY! i hope i get to extend my stay in cali successfully. woohoo!!! im really excited to see my dear friends! :)

I test drove two cars on saturday. They went pretty well :) Will be scheduling a mechanic check appointment on tues. :) I hope to get a car by this week!

I fell sick on thursday. Went to the bathroom several times (my stomach is cranky...maybe i overworked this week), running fever, and aching body. So I didn't go to work on Friday. It was great to have a day off to catch up on some sleep and do some misc stuff.

Saturday afternoon was crab festival cum chocolate fondue party at Desmond's. It was a blast as usual. I look forward to the next party. :)

Saturday night and Sunday were dedicated to the spirit of music. :)

My housemates and I went to a gig in the city after Desmond's party. Maureen was with us too. It's the FIRST gig that i've been to so far. Thanks to Sven and his contacts at work. Apparently, the guy who hired him at work plays in a band called Pebble theory. We got lotsa drinks, took lotsa pictures, and have lotsa fun. Do you know what's the strangest thing about partying in california? Almost all the bars, pubs and clubs close at 2am. For those that are still open, they do not serve alcohol after 2am. I suppose the bay is not where the real party scene is.
On our way to the car (after the gig), Matt piggy-backed me down the street. LoL. It wasn't too bad to be a slow-walker after all.

My housemates (Sven n Matt) are crazy about Jack Johnson. Honestly, I dont really care about this guy. I like music itself more than the singers usually. Anyhow, we went to the city again today to watch Jack Johnson's live performance at Virgin Megastore (its somewhat like HMV, Tower Records in Singapore, except that this particular store is much smaller). The performance was at 630pm but we got there around 3ish. Yeap, we joined the crowd, found a nice spot to sit and wait. Hmm... Im surprised that Jack Johnson is pretty good looking for his age and his singing rocks. It's cool. I enjoyed it although I didn't quite enjoy the fact that I had to squeeze and tiptoe among the fans to catch a glimpse of Jack. Sometimes, it does really sux to be short. I must say American fans are pretty organized and well-behaved. The common thing I noticed about fans (in SF and Singapore) is that girls like to scream and the most annoying thing for Sven is probably the mommy fans - moms who bring their children to squeeze with the crowd and have them sit on their backs - they totally block the people behind! You should see how annoyed the dutch fan looked when he couldn't take good pictures. :P

My california experience is coming alive. I'm luvin' it. :)

A new beginning

2005-03-01T12:30:00.000+08:00

Cataphora

It has been about 2-3 weeks since I started work.

I know I havent been writing much on my blog these days.... because i am busy working and hanging out. :P

It's a good thing! (^_^)

I love my work at Cataphora. As boring as it may seem for many people, I really enjoy what I'm working on and the best part is that I didn't have to wait on others to get what I want done. :)
It's just me, me and me - own time, own target-

So what am I doing in Cataphora?

Well, I am split between the production and the engineering department.
I do early-stage production software testing for the QA team. They call it redaction testing.
Don't know what redaction means? It is a word that is used frequently by lawyers to remove or block out a word in documents that will be shown in court. interesting yea? Let me check dictionary.com

re·dac·tion (r-dkshn)n.
The act or process of editing or revising a piece of writing; preparation for publication.
An edited work; a new edition or revision.

One of my new projects for the week is to write user guides for this new internal web application tool that the engineering team has created for the professional services department. I think it's a cool job :) I started work at 1040am yesterday and stayed up till 130am in the office to edit the user guide drafted by another colleague.

If you have any good sites about technical writing, send me!

Reflections and Quality time with Daddy God

hehe!
There are too much going on in my life right now. It's all good!

I saw a rainbow on the way to church on sunday morning. Isn't that cool? I think its one of God's way to speak to me. heheh! Rainbows are signs to tell us the worst is over and the good days are coming!

My heart was filled with the desire to worship last week and my song of the week was 'As the deer'. It's one of the sweetest song that touched my heart during my JC times.

As the deer panteths for the water,
as my soul longs after thee.
You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship Thee.

You alone are my strength, my shield,
To you alone, will my spirit yield.

You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship Thee.

You know what's the most unbelieveable thing?
I was in church on sunday, and I said to God in my heart, ''I wish they (the choir) would sing my song."

And they did. It was the LAST song of the day.
Tell me what are the chances of singing MY Song out of all the christian songs out there?
I think God made them sing MY song just For Me.
:)

Despite the ups and downs I went through,
Despite thinking that all that I believe about God could be just a psychological thing,
I know that God is real and alive always because I have met Him.
I think what made me stay true to Him are my miraculous personal encounters with Him. Oh well, i think i know what it means when someone says its not easy to walk with God. Walking with God gives us a new frame of mind, a new way of thinking, a new way of behaving and a new way of living. That's probably what makes me so different from the norms. What do you think, my friend?

Shopping game: An Eye for a car

2005-03-01T12:04:00.000+08:00

Buying a second-hand car is tricky. :)
I think im beginning to adopt psychological warfare to get myself a car at the price that i want.
isn't this interesting?

I think the car is worth no more than $2800-$2900 for the fact that it needs about $1000 worth of repairs. So the girl cut the offer from $4000 to $3250 last night. I told her I'll get back to her today.

So what am I going to do now?
Honestly, I think im probably the only person who would buy a second hand car and send it for repair. lol (^_^) but think of it this way, with all those repairs done right at the time i bought it, the car is probably much safer to drive for the next 6 months at least.

I think I will not call her today. Patience will get me there. I just need to make her realize that no one wants to buy her car except me, so she better give me a good offer before I run away and buy other cars. :P

meanwhile, im going to look at more cars.
1994 Audi Sedanhttp://www.craigslist.org/pen/car/61662436.html
2001 Kia Rio Sedan http://www.craigslist.org/pen/car/61778547.html
1998 Toyota Corolla LE Sedan http://www.craigslist.org/eby/car/61155967.html (this is the car that im eyeing on so far)
1996 Saturn SC2 Coupe http://www.craigslist.org/pen/car/61418909.html

Have I looked at other cars? Yes... but they were all sold before I could test drive them.
So i guess ive been looking at the right cars... :P just gotta be quicker in grabbing the next time. :)

After days of searching...

2005-02-25T05:32:00.000+08:00

I finally got tired of thinking what things I need to get done this morning.

I woke up at 8am, snoozed for 30-40mins, got outta bed and did my bills.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nothing beats starting off a day with rush. Sven and I were rushing all morning, washing up and having 'breakfast', and then to work. I really hate to rush Sven to get me to work as I was running late. That was the moment I realized how much I NEEDED a car.

So, when I got into office, I went on Craigslist, and found the best deal I've seen online.
A 1998 Toyota Corolla LX for 700-900bucks below the standard private party selling value.
The coolest thing was that the lady who is selling the car is on her way to my office to let me test drive her car. So maybe I might get a car today.... *really excited now*
Praise God! :)

I can't believe this. This morning, I asked myself why I should believe in Him. In fact, maybe my crazy mind made up all these stories about God anyway.

Well, what can I say... near or far, He is there whether we believe or not.

I PASS!

2005-02-11T13:17:00.000+08:00

Yes! I passed my driving in Jocelyn's yellow beetle!!! (^_^)

Sven got his license too! and Matt passed his written test!

Hooray!

I have peace like a river in my soul

2005-01-31T17:30:00.000+08:00

-----------------------
In my distress,
I cried unto the Lord,
and He heard me.
--Psalm 120:1
-----------------------

Last week was pretty crazy. My internship with Synopsys fell through the last minute due to some 'technical' problems with the legal paperwork. Well, actually till today, I'm not sure what's the main issue the company has regarding my visa.

So it seems like im back to square one. I'm on the verge of being jobless again. Isn't this a very real experience for many working adults? I can now understand what job seekers go through. One moment, you get hired, but things don't work out with the company, so you leave the job. Try to look for another company, go for interviews while scrimping every cent to keep up with the daily expenses and try to get hired again.

I remember when I first left my job with PEC, I was so distressed when I couldn't get employed by Redpod due to some program criterias. I felt like I was robbed of everything but life went on. I could either cry and whine like a baby or do something about it - which is to focus all that I have to find another internship. It wasn't easy I must say. I don't believe in reading the newspapers for a job, neither do I believe in cold calling, simply because I knew that at least 70% of the jobs are gotten through referrals. Hence, I had to learn how to contact various people I know to help me. It was indeed a humbling experience on my part as I have to first be honest about my situation with the people I speak to and let God's favor shine upon me for a job opportunity to show up. If there is one thing I learnt from my job-seeking experience, it would be that God has the power to give and take away. He takes away not because He doesn't want me to be happy, it is because He has something better prepared for me or He is giving me a test to hang in there for His blessings. Although when God takes away something from me, I usually feel like God is abandoning me. That is not true because in the bible, God had said so many times that He will not forsake me and that He sent Jesus to give me life more than abundantly.

The 'screw up' with my Synopsys internship was alittle worrying initially but I think I've learnt to handle such situations well. I was able to calm myself down and continue to pray for deliverance. Most importantly, I was able to manage my emotions. I was able to focus on the finished work of Jesus on the cross and received His peace in my heart.

I found myself saying this to the Lord almost everyday, "I will go anywhere, do anything, say anything that He wants me to. Oh Lord, I surrender my Self to You." This was a verse that I remember from the christmas camp that I went for last december.

Indeed, I want to give my all to the Lord every day so that He can be the centre of my life.
I want to die to my sins and let Jesus fills me with His righteousness, peace, joy and love for all of the days in my life. If anyone wants to remember anything about me, I hope it would be the LOVE of God in my life.

Housing: Matt, from France, moved in yesterday. It was totally cool to have Sven and Matt as housemates because we have quite some similar interests - we love the same kinda music, we don't like sodas, we love to have fun and we are peace-loving people. =) We're trying to get tickets to U2 concert in April! Matt's boss gave us a dining table with four chairs, some candles, and lotsa disposable cutlery. :) I know everything's gonna get better and better with my wonderful housemates.

Internship: the most crucial thing in my life at the moment. Whether i stay or go home depends on whether I secure an internship soon. well, I met Desmond, a senior director from Synopsys last night. He happened to be a singaporean and a christian as well. :) I just thanked God for placing Angels to watch over me in bad situations. Desmond is a really nice and sweet to take time off to help me sort out various issues regarding my internship. I don't know what I have done to deserve his kindness but I just know it's God's grace on me.

There is still some hope with the Synopsys internship. I'm just gonna let God work things out for me. If He has opened this door for me to enter, no man can close it. Even if God takes it away, I know He has prepared something else for me and I will continue to give Him all my praise and worship because He is My Awesome God.

The consulting firm that John Nesheim had referred me gave me a positive reply! So I'll be having a phone meeting with the firm tomorrow! :) God has indeed given me a back up plan. He always gives more than enough. He is a generous God.

Church: I met with Cora today and I think it is so true that when 2 or more christians gather together, great things happen! Desmond called and gave me some good news about the Synopsys internship when I was going for lunch with Cora. Isn't that amazing? I knew God wanted her to be a witness of His glories.

San Francisco Addiction

2005-01-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

I am going to San Francisco again! Yippie :D

I think I'm gonna get some CNY cards to send home.

I know the Lord will make a way for me

2005-01-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

It has only been six days since I last updated my blog and I feel as if a month has passed me by.

I got a new job, a new cellphone, a new place to stay and a new housemate (I had my first party in the states too); above all, a new life to embrace. Life is indeed too good to be true for the last few weeks and I am eternally grateful to God, my Father in heaven, who has given all these good things to me.

I'm really excited about my new job and can't wait to get started on monday. It was such a pleasure learning from Marji (my new supervisor) and Reza (the VP). When I met with them a couple of days ago, I truly thought that my ordeal was finally over and that for once, life was going to be good from now on. However, things didn't quite turn out the way I expected. Sonia (Synopsys HR Recruiter) called last night to inform me that I might not start work on monday because of the legal paperwork issues from what she found out from the NOC admin. Honestly, I panicked. "Not again!" I said to myself in utmost exasperation.

When Yuling called today about the internship, she said, ''I don't have good news for you.'' It's like dropping a time bomb into my peaceful life again. I hate it so bad, I feel like cursing and swearing, I feel unjust. But thank God, I managed to find out that there is a possible way out to this matter - fill in the training plan. After recollecting my composure, I called Reza instead of Sonia. For some reasons, I thought it's better to speak with the 'head', maybe that will be better for me. So, I'll be making another trip down to Synopsys tomorrow morning and let God guide me through this unexpected ordeal - my last trial before claiming my rewards in Faith.

I am desperate for a miracle. I am desperate for God's grace to pull me through.
At the back of my mind, I heard His soft prompting,

"Do not worry, Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

Sometimes, I think I've such little faith in God. I know in my mind that I believe that He is my savior, my provider and my all in all, but when shit happens, I don't quite behave according to what I preach. How could I forget what He has done for me? For the last few months, God has brought me through every trial and tribulation. He has walked with me every day of my life when I had no one to turn to. He has given me more than enough to pull through everytime and make me a victor in His name. How could I forget His love?

I shall not panic even though I feel like panicking. Honestly, whether I panick or not, life still goes on and the clock will still continue to tick. Perhaps the lesson God wanted me to learn from this is to stay calm and pray for prayer is the best weapon and gift that God has given to His children. A prayer saves the day. A prayer touches heart and changes lives. A prayer calls on the name of the Lord. A prayer is the reason for miracles to happen. That is the power of prayer, the power that is waiting to be unleashed in all of us.

I feel like my life is like a neverending adventure. One moment, it's filled with lots of excitement and happiness; cruising along the calm blue sea, enjoying the cool breeze and the majestic view of creation, life could never be better. Other times, the sea seemed to have turned into a monstrous octopus, eating everything in its way. The sun shines no more, and I couldn't hear the sweet chirping of the sea gulls no more. As I battled the roaring thunders and choppy waves, I came to understand how much I hunger to be alive and well. For a better tomorrow, I will fight on.

I am a survivor, crowned in all His glories forevermore.

The Rainbows of Gold

2005-01-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

On the 3rd of April 2004, I wrote in my diary,
"...I'm going to Silicon Valley this July. The companies are flooding my mailbox. Thank God! I know You're searching for the BEST companies for me. At least US$2000/per month! This is our pact. Thank you. I claim this because You've already given. I don't see it now but I have it in my hands!"

18th May 2004
"Three days before our resumes get posted on Biovalley (BV) college. Dear God, let not my heart be shaken by what I read, what I see, or what I hear. I want to look to Jesus, my savior and friend."

A few days later, I was offered an internship by Csix Connect but it didn't work out in the end and I had a really really tough time with the school administration.

17th August 2004
My first day of work in PEC.
Although my cash compensation was low ($350), I got a sign-on bonus of $600, free accomodation, food and some transportation ($850).

17th November 2004
I was struggling without pay for a month already but got an awesome offer from Redpod. I really like the job requirements and was offered US$1500 with performance incentives.

17th December 2004
I had no pay for the 2nd month and I lost my job officially. The school admin didn't approve the internship with Redpod. I was devastated but I got a US$1000 loan from the school just before the Christmas holidays and New Year's.

19th Jan 2005
I got a job in Synopsys through my mentor. The VP created a position for me based on my skills and experiences. They offered me an hourly rate of US$24.00, 1.5rate for overtime, accumulated holidays hours not claimed at the end of the internship are eligible for cashback.

Well, this is too good to be true =) This is my testimony for God's promise to prosper me financially.

*Scroll to the very beginning of this blog entry* I asked for $2000, and I am getting much more than what I've asked for.

I ask for great things, and He gave me more than what I could possibly imagine.
"If God brings you to it, He has brought you through it. " - I remember telling BaiHao to hang in there when he was having a hard time with his visa issues.

--------------------------------------------------------
Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He has given Jesus Christ His son

Let the poor say I am rich
Let the blind say I can see
Let the weak say I am strong

Give thanks
--------------------------------------------------------

San Francisco - My First Outing in 2005

2005-01-16T03:04:00.000+08:00

I went to San Francisco on my own today. Travelled by the public bus, caltrain and my solid pair of legs. :)

I think the bus drivers are really friendly! They are probably the only strangers that show genuine interest that I'm a foreigner (Singaporean aka a new kid on block). I really enjoy all my bus rides. Once, there was a black driver who told me that I made his day because I gave him a big smile when I got up the bus. When I took a bus to Palo Alto last evening, the bus driver asked if Singapore was hit by the Tsunami when I told him that Singapore is in Asia; he smiled and gave me his blessings before I got off the bus. My bus ride was interesting today. The bus driver asked for my age. I thought it was weird! Then, I realized that he thought I was 15 years old and was curious why I paid the adult fare. *That was very flattering.*(^_^) Also, he thought I was a korean until I told him that I'm from Singapore.

Walking down the streets of San Francisco, I realized how much I miss city life. I like being surrounded by skyscrapers, modern architectures, and of cos, people. For the first time, I felt in my heart that I love being in California. There are so much to experience here. Different culture, tons of cool products and interesting people from all over the world.

I walked down 4th Street to Chinatown and then, Union Square, where all the Big Brand Names are. The buildings are either victorian style or really modern. In many ways, I felt that the whole area is grander and posher than Takashimaya or Paragon.

Most people in Chinatown speak Cantonese. I wonder why.

I love the chinese bakeries! I had a pineapple polo bun for 45 cents! After my first bun, I checked out almost every bakery in Chinatown and found this shop that was selling 4 buns for $1! hehe! Best deal. I would definitely go to Chinatown again!

This is perhaps the happiest day of my stay here because I can finally do what I want and always follow what others have to do or say. Well, I asked myself what have I been doing the last few months? Stuck at home/workplace or either I just get to go to sunnyvale, mountain view or cupertino for dinner thats it. One very important reality I learnt is that when you're not the driver, you do not have the decision-making power unless the driver willingly accept your suggestion. so I don't have a car or a map; I have the slightest idea of what's around me for months honestly. Being aboard is such an incredible experience but when you end up in a situation where you've no support, it is really tough to settle down. I'm not sure I've settled down in California yet. I feel like I'm truly beginning my LIFE here after the new year's. There are so much I want to do. Afterall, it has been my dream to be in california since I don't know when!

Honestly, when I look back, I feel sad for myself. I'm envious of all the other students who are in the same program. Im envious that they made friends in this group, they had some form of help to settle down (internship, housing, car, and social life). All these, I think I've none. Sometimes, I can't help but to question why am I so unfortunate? Why am I the outcaste? Am I a horrible friend? Why are the administrators so harsh and unfriendly toward me? Well, sometimes you just happened to be in a group of people who are of totally different wavelength as you. What I do normally is to keep the distance, do my own stuff, have my own friends, get a life and live happily ever after. However, the pressure for me to conform or adapt is extremely high over here. I've to meet all 25 at school, or some other activities because I'm part of the program. I live with 5 of them in the same apartment. I count on Clement so much because he is my only friend from this program even though we are really quite different in terms of personality and the way we communicate (wavelength). We are friends because we chose to be and we made the effort to understand each other better. He is a friend who has been there with me through the ups and downs. Without his help, I would not be able to get rides anywhere or even get out of home (my ex-home in sunnyvale).

I asked myself if I were to have a secured internship like them before I arrived, and start getting my driver's license when I first arrived, would I be in this situation now? what would my relationship with this group of students be? It'd be probably pleasant - not close, but at least I do not get on their nerves.

Since I can't turn back time, I should stop putting so much effort on the strained relationships with this group of students. Chances are they probably don't care that much. Well, why am I talking about them again? I am emotionally wounded. My feelings are hurt, so I guess it will take time to heal. I'm not sure how fast I'm healing because I still hope to be their friend one day because I care about the people around me, whether they care about me or not. Don't you think this is odd? Why do I care so much? I don't know either. I guess I believe and value harmony and joy in my relationships with others.

I also find that as I'm healed of my damaged emotions, I cut the wound by 're-living' the hurt (on-going interactions with them). The healing process is slow.

There is one thing I have decided to do for my own good and that is to mind my own business.

I have to learn how to be discerning in giving, sharing, and caring because others do not necessary recipocate my friendship and that's gonna hurt. Humans are afterall not God, we do get hurt! So even though my intentions are good, in this case, make the effort to be their friend, its not going to make life any better for me given the kind of situation I am in at the moment.

All I hope now is for Synopsys's recruiter to call me really soon, so I'll know how much do I get paid exactly and when do I start work.

Next, I hope to get a cellphone asap because prepaid is too expensive.

The 3rd most important thing is that I pray that I'll manage to find someone who will lend me his/her car to practice driving and pass my test as soon as I can. Otherwise, I can really forget about being independent.

This is your life

2005-01-15T05:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be, yeah
This is your life, are you who you want to be, who you want to be yeah
This is your life, are you who you want to be (who you want to be)
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
And you had everything to lose

-"This is your life" by Switchfoot www.switchfoot.com

Music has an incredible way of drawing us closer to God. It gets me thinking about what kind of life have I been living? Am I who I want to be? Am I living the life I want? What about you, my friend?

All of us have only one life. Oftentimes, we let the storms - it can be anything from kinship, friendship, romance, professionism at work to the mundaneness - in our lives overtake us.
It is tougher to withstand the storm than to be swept away. I guess that is the sacrifice we have to make for living out the kind of person we desire to be.

You may ask how can we achieve that and my take on this would be "Be loved and love.
Believe and live." If you let someone love you, you'll learn to love that person back. If you believe that you've a brand new life that is perfect, blessed, meaningful and eternal, you will live out the best of you.

a very happy week

2005-01-14T01:40:00.000+08:00

I got a job finally.
Actually, I had 2 job offers (synopsys and cataphora) and I had to make a choice. Isn't that amazing?

the VP in Synopsys told me that he created the internship position just for me and that i'll be receiving much higher pay than what I was receiving before!! He also mentioned that they never had such position in the company before. So instead of having me to fit the company, he got the company to fit me! He had informed the Company Recruiter to call me to follow up on the admin procedure within the next few days. Ain't I highly favored? :) The most incredible thing is that this company is 4 mins drive from Americana which means in event that I can't get a ride to work, I can always walk there! Good chance to exercise!! :)

On the day of interview, I saw a rainbow just right outside the company! I knew God was there with me! I'm really thankful for this new internship that God has planned for me. He has been faithful in His provision for my needs. Everything seems to be coming together!

I found a 3bed/2.5bath townhouse just down the street from Americana for $1550. It is really cheap for such a big house with gym, pool, sauna, and spa. I'm meeting with some potential housemates (young and funloving locals and international students/employees) this week before deciding who I would like to share housing with. :) I'm looking forward to an awesome living experience!

Lastly, I also found a good deal for cellphone plans by Tmobile.
$45.99 for 2 lines and 2 free colored-screen flip phones. 1000mins anytime, unlimited nights n weekends, unlimited mobile-to-mobile (that means i can call ELENA as much as i want for free! yiippie!)

I failed my driving test for the 3rd time but I found a car that I really desire finally! a 2000 Ford Mustang. It so happened that my senior is selling this car! She gave me a really good price.
=)

God, my Santa Claus, has granted all my christmas wishes!

My first night out with Maureen

2005-01-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

Your name is on my lips
Your love I can't resist
Got to be with You wherever You are
I want you memorised
So when I close my eyes
All I have to do
is keep loving You by heart

I am falling deeper in love with God these days.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My first outing with Maureen was an adventure. She didnt have my contact details because she couldnt find her bible (she slotted the card I gave her in the bible). After much search and anxiety, she sat down with her ex roommate and prayed to God to help her find her bible. While all these were going on, I sensed something amiss since it was getting late. I wanted to get on AIM messenger but my computer just wouldn't log on! Strange, isn't it?

Thank God, Maureen found her bible in the nick of time! Yippie! Although we were late to see Chris (Maureen's friend) play at Railway Cafe in San Mateo, we managed to brave through the rain and see him play the last song. =) Dinner was good too. We had shakes! Yummy! (^_^)

The music was good too. This couple from Georgia was fascinating. Bronkar did beatboxing (making all kind of rythmn and beats with his lips and body) while Cindy played the acoustic guitar. She has a beautiful voice like Norah Jones.

I can't wait till our next outing. I really like hanging out with Maureen. She is the special friend that God has sent for me! (^_^) (^_^)

2005

2005-01-06T16:18:00.000+08:00

I'm back in Sunnyvale, packing my stuff to move out.

I must say, it's daunting. A few months ago, I embarked on this journey with great hopes and dreams. Now, it almost seemed like I'm leaving behind my shattered hopes and dreams.

Well, I may have moved on, but I haven't given up on hoping and dreaming for a better tomorrow - a new internship, new housing, new car? and a Renewed love experience with Daddy God. What's life if one has no hope and no dreams to chase after?

A friend said to me, "Janet, there's a price to pay when you're different from others. Maybe you really came for the wrong program. Do you regret?"

I agree with him that there's a price to pay when we are different. Jesus, a very special man, paid dearly for our salvation. He suffered and died a death that no one can possibly endure because He loved us very much.

Although I cannot understand why I am so unlucky to be caught in the situation that I am in, I don't regret being a Christ-follower. I will follow Him all my life because I made a commitment to be in a relationship with God.

Keep me in your prayers, my friends. May God open doors for me and grant me His shalom peace as I battle on to be a Light for the world.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

2004-12-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

Today is the 2nd day of the Christmas Conference which i'm attending in San Diego.
The theme is "Experience Jesus".

We just had our morning session and it was totally awesome. The speakers spoke right to my heart. :) I think God was using them to remind me of the wonderful times I once had with Jesus, in other words, my experience with Jesus.

I thought what the speaker said was incredible because something that is so simple to me is what draws me so close to Him all these years, the gift of experiencing Jesus for who He is, to feel and understand the love of God in me.

As I sang. I got into the mode of 'wanting to see God and experience His love more'. All of the sudden, I felt like I'm being wrapped with some kind of invisible 'tornado'. The feeling was so intense, it's like falling in love. Butterflies and hearts filled the air as I let His love surround me.

"I sing Holy, Holy Holy.
I sing Holy, holy, holy.
I sing Holy, holy, holy,
Is the lamb."

Jesus, the lamb of God, hung on the cross. Cruxified for our sins, and died for loving us.

I guess this is what 'experiencing Jesus' is about - being able to picture and feel how real God is in our lives through sharing, prayer, praise and worship. We want to set our eyes and hearts on one and only Him.

Christmas Eve

2004-12-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

It is Christmas tomorrow. I am totally excited!

Got a ride from some singaporean friends to Elena's place last night, visited Elena's parent's elderly care centre and did some shopping in the mall. :) I just had dinner with her family. We wrapped dumplings! hehe

I'm going to call my parents now.

Inspirational Moments: A handphone story

2004-12-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

Was talking to Gwen on MSN today.

Janet in cali - sing a song, dance along says:
sometimes i think that it would be funny if say i design and manufacture a watch and the watch can actually decide for itself wat to do.

Gwendolyn says:
hahahahhah

Janet in cali - sing a song, dance along says:
haha

Gwendolyn says:
nice analogy

Janet in cali - sing a song, dance along says:
actually right now, im lookking at my handphone. imagining this phone talking and dialling on its own or do some funny thing that it wasnt supposed to do. performing tasks that are not in its 'functions' or 'features'. its so bizzard uh, but i think it kinda reflect God, the creator and Man, the handphone. hehe

Gwendolyn says:
hahahha yeah, nice scenario!

Gwendolyn says:
fits well

Janet in cali - sing a song, dance along says:
haha thank you for inspiring me!!!!

Gwendolyn says:
hahahhah

Janet in cali - sing a song, dance along says:
ehehe im gonna put this analogy in my blog ahaha

Gwendolyn says:
HAHAHH goo didea

and hence, the story ends with two happy little girls giggling at the stories they share with each other. A story they would tell their grandchildren when they grow old.

My Priority

2004-12-22T17:02:00.000+08:00

"Life is about relationships, not achievements."
-- Rick Warren

I can't agree more. =)

Reflections

2004-12-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

Tim said that he got rolled over to Jul 05.

Honestly, I am disappointed with God again but I kinda guessed it.

Is this a reflection of what should have happened to me 4 months ago? Is He saying that maybe I shouldn't have pushed too hard and wait on Him?

I am officially unemployed and I am going for my Christmas holiday tomorrow.

Wait on the Lord, says the Holy Spirit.

The goodness of my God

2004-12-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

You won't believe how faithful God is when it comes to love and promises. God says He loves me very much and He means it.

Even though I really feel that God has disappointed me because He opened a door for me and He closed it. Sometimes, I really cannot understand why He does what He does.

I was reading psalms 86 today, praying to God for mercy and righteousness when I speak to the school administration. I really hope to make peace with them but I was scared and had little courage. I prayed and prayed and prayed...till my heart was filled with joy to praise and worship God with songs.

Then, my cellphone rang. A missed call from an unrecorded number. Who could it be? I called back and it was the school administrator! She called to talk about my internship issues. Amazingly, we conversed with no tension and misunderstanding. For the first time, she was very honest with me. Isn't that incredible? I really don't know how that worked out. Praise God! For His ways are not my ways; His faithfulness and mercies endure forever!

The internship with Redpod did not work out but God used it to restore my strained relationship with the sch admin. I lost a great job offer but I gained a testimony to witness God's goodness in restoring the bad blood with the school authority. It reminded me of Jesus. He lost his life but gained the faith from the people (religious leaders/authorities) who cruxified Him.

He is the reason for Christmas. I want to thank God for walking with me through it all.
He will provide for all my needs.

My Christmas Wish-list

2004-12-18T14:01:00.000+08:00

All I wish for this Christmas is...

1. Redpod.
2. My driver's license
3. a good friend in Christ in SV
4. my family and friends to be happy and healthy.
5. money/income

Then I think again, what do I seem to be getting this Christmas...

1. faith, hope, love, humility, strength and courage to restore strained or broken friendships/relationships with
- NOC students
- NOC admin
- My boss

2. emotional and spiritual support from many great friends and family from home, new cre, abundant life, stanford and noc.

3. bringing the greatest gift of love, Jesus, to those who came to know me

Disappointment with God

2004-12-18T13:40:00.000+08:00

I am disappointed with God. Very disappointed actually.

He gave me a great job offer and He seemed like He's taking it away. Maybe He is really taking it away.

I wept again, fearing the love of my only Father would vanish into the skies.

But I know God loves me dearly. I know He has prepared something awesome for me which I cannot understand or predict at this very moment.

I give thanks to another new friend who encouraged me and gave me comfort to continue my walk with God. The more I speak to non-believers, the more I know that I must keep my faith going because there are more hurting people out there than me. No matter how I feel, at least I know in my heart and soul that "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die on the cross, so that we would not perished but have everlasting life." Jesus came to give life more than abundantly.

Let not my heart be troubled for my Father in heaven hears my cries and knows my heart's desires. I will wait on the Lord.

The Difference

2004-12-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

It has been 7 months since I embarked on this internship and study program. From the very beginning till this very moment, I couldn't quite keep up with the number of times that I got criticised, rejected, misunderstooded, reprimanded and ostracised. Why? I have been trying hard to figure out as well. What have I done wrong? Was I not being myself? Did I speak Greek all of the sudden?

After speaking to Cora, my mentor in Abundant Life Church today, God showed me the reason: the difference between a believer and a non-believer. You may ask if that matter so much? To know the difference, are we judging others? Well, I think it helps us to protect ourselves in a fallen world. It helps us to recognise what we need to do to be focus on our walk with God. I think no matter how nice or kind-hearted a non-believer is, they still do not know the heart of the Lord because they do not trust in Him. A non-believer does not bring the good news of Christ simply because he/she does not believe.

When we are struck by our enemies and need to hear the good news of the Lord, seek God's people. It's like if you want to be smart, hang out with smart people. So I suppose this concept can be applied to a believer's way of life as well. If you want to keep your faith in Jesus going and growing, hang out with people who are keeping their faith in Jesus going and growing.

For the rest of the people, instead of trying to change the way they are, pray for them first. Pray for God's enlightenment in their hearts.

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I finally understand what's the missing link in the way I feel about my silicon valley experience. I am alone seeking the heart of the Lord and trying to make a positive influence in the world around me. I strive to be a light for my Lord. That is what draws me apart from those who are in the dark.
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My trials and tribulations have Godly Values

2004-12-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever dreaded to head home from a holiday trip? That was how I felt exactly after my tahoe trip with elena and friends. I wish I didn't have to return to a place filled with hurt, disappointment and struggles.

Well, I went home anyway, to receive a vague email from the school admin that they aren't gonna approve my internship with my new company because it's not hi-tech enough. Yes, bad news, my friends. Why is it happening again?

I cried so hard last night but I thanked God for friends, especially Reuben, my Godbrother, who is always so supportive and encouraging when I fall. He never fails to remind me that God still loves me and that He would never forsake me. Although Reuben wasn't here for me physically, I felt so much better just talking to him on the phone than sitting next to Clement in the car.

Clement has been there for me all these while to see my sorrows and pain. He's also there to see how God works in my life. Yet, when my faith was shaken, I knew it was better to be alone, not that I didn't need friends for comfort, but because I need friends in Christ for comfort. That is all the difference in my life now. I need God so much that I yearn to see Him through the people around me but people who do not know Jesus do not understand my needs even though they care. I really came to realise what 'in the world but not of the world' means in the bible now. Although I am no different from other human beings on earth on the outside (I can eat, walk, run, think, and etc), my heart beats with Jesus. My blood is filled with the air of abundant life from Jesus and that is what keeps me living well and healthy. It is important to understand the difference between me and my non-believer friends so that I will not be as upset when I turn to them for comfort or help.

I kept thinking what does God wants me to do. What's my next step? I came to realise that my biggest fear was to go home because I couldn't get a job that pays adequately. I don't want to leave without getting my driver's license because I spent US$1000 on lessons. I also don't want to give up a stanford education which I've hardly embarked on. My sweet america experience has hardly begun too.

After much cries, I found the purpose of this trial - to trust in God's special plan for me. Wherever God may lead me to, I know that is the best for me eventually. Well, at least I know God wants me to secure myself financially (to meet my basic needs) before serving in great multitudes and He told me through Rick Warren's newsletter article that He's piling up my heavenly rewards from all the trials and tribulations that I went through.

Your Trials and Difficulties have Godly Value by Rick Warren
I recently read this letter from a college student to her parents:

Dear Mom and Dad:I’m sorry to be so long in writing. Unfortunately, all my stationery was destroyed the night our dorm was set on fire by the demonstrators. I’m out of the hospital now, and the doctors say my eyesight should return -- sooner or later. The wonderful boy, Bill, who rescued me from the fire, kindly offered to share his little apartment with me until the dorm is rebuilt. He comes from a good family, so you won’t be surprised when I tell you we’re going to be married. In fact, since you’ve always wanted a grandchild, you’ll be glad to know that you’ll be grandparents next month.P.S. Please disregard the above practice for my class in English Composition. There was no fire, I haven’t been in the hospital, I’m not pregnant and I don’t even have a steady boyfriend. But I did get a D in French and an F in Chemistry, and I just wanted to be sure you received this news in the proper perspective.

Your perspective makes all the difference in the world, and it influences how you respond to problems at work, problems at home, problems with your health. Paul says that as Christians we can rejoice even in tough times because we have hope and because we know that God is working in our lives. “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.” (Romans 5:3, NIV) This gives us perspective.

Suffering can be productive! It does accomplish something. Problems have a purpose. Your trials and difficulties have value. It’s easier to handle suffering when you know there is a purpose in it, that it is not just in vain.

I have had the privilege of assisting in the delivery of all three of my children. I want to tell you, I saw the pain on my wife’s face, and I understand why they call it “labor.” But I also saw the expression on her face when the nurse laid that newborn, bundled baby in her arms. Her expression revealed that the effort and pain were all worth it. They produced a new life!

Now, what exactly does our suffering produce? First, Paul says our suffering produces perseverance (Romans 5:3). The Greek word for perseverance literally means “the ability to handle pressure.” That’s what perseverance is -- the ability to handle pressure, to hang in there, to never give up but to keep on keeping on. When we make it through a difficult time without giving up, our character and confidence are strengthened, enabling us to handle even more pressure when it comes in the future.

Next, Paul says perseverance produces character (Romans 5:4). This word occurs only six or seven times in the Bible, and it means “proven reliable.” God uses the problems in your life to produce perseverance and character. And internal character, not circumstances, produces joy.
Then, Paul says, character produces hope (Romans 5:4). Remember, in the Bible, the word hope doesn’t mean “I wish” or “I want.” It means confidence in Christ’s power. Instead of destroying our hope, problems are designed to increase our hope!

No matter what it is, whether it is a problem you brought on yourself, or a problem other people brought on you or a problem from the devil, it’s still a problem that God allowed. If you're a Christian, nothing comes into your life by accident.

It’s vitally important that we grasp this fact -- there is a purpose behind our problems -- but it’s also important to understand that problems don’t automatically produce perseverance and character and hope. You may know people who went through tough times, but difficulty and pain didn’t produce any positive character in their lives. Instead they became bitter, angry and uptight.

Perseverance, character and hope are produced in us only when we choose the right attitude. And what is the right attitude? Joy is the right attitude. When we learn to rejoice in the problem, not for but in the problem, then God uses it for good in our lives.

James echoes Paul’s teaching on this subject: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2-3, NIV). Notice again, joy comes “because you know.” It’s always a matter of perspective. James continues, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (v. 4). God says those problems in your life are meant to produce maturity.

No study of Christian joy would be complete without mentioning the book of Philippians. If you want to understand joy, read Philippians. Nineteen times in this short letter Paul talks about rejoicing and having joy. Mark those verses and meditate on them. Memorize some of them so God can use them to produce joy in your life.

By the way, do you know where Paul was when he wrote this joyful letter? He was in prison! We don’t usually think of prison as a place of rejoicing, but Paul had learned to be content in any situation, and his joy did not depend on his circumstances. Christians can be joyful in tough times because there is always hope, and because God's purpose is always greater than any problem!

Article by Rick Warren Rick Warren is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., one of America's largest and best-known churches. In addition, Rick is author of the New York Times bestseller The Purpose-Driven Life and The Purpose-Driven Church, which was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th Century. He is also founder of Pastors.com, a global Internet community for ministers. ©Copyright 2004 Pastors.com, Inc. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Those He justified, He glorified

2004-12-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

I came to learn and understand how imperfect the world is yet everyone of us seemed to have this incredible hunger for perfection - so much that i doubt anything is ever good or perfect enough to fill our enormous desire. I'm beginning to wonder if this could be an implicit evidence of God's creation before the fallen world. As we continue to seek perfection (an innate gift?), it is inevitable that we experience:

Pain.
Persecution.
Abandonment.
Disappointment.
Struggles.
Conflicts.

Is there a time when we are in control of the events that took place in our daily lives? I wish...
Pain is the number one emotion that we cannot escape. After going through so much, I certainly know that I do not want to be a slave to it.

This week, I thank God for His faithful love and strength. He had turned the bad situation into something good! I managed to mend a few strained or broken relationships. I think God is a good businessman. He really knows how to trade our sorrows and pain for joy and victory. I received an email from the school administration today. They said that the issue with transfer of visa is resolved and they would be changing company for me by the end of this week.

GREAT NEWS! (^_^)

Isn't God awesome? His love never fails.

If a son asked his father for a fish, would he give him a snake? If he who sins would give this much for his son, how much more would our heavenly Father give us? If he who sins has mercy, how much more would our heavenly Father be merciful and gracious to us?

In Jeremiah 29:11, He said, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Just when I thought the storm is over

2004-12-01T08:30:00.000+08:00

Where are you, my Lord?
Where are you?

My enemies are preying again
For days and nights,
They sliced my flesh,
drank my blood,
and licked my bones
like the merciless vultures.

Fear gripped me.
I shivered in the cold
I had nowhere to go.
My God, my God.
Have you forsaken me?

Standing on a hellish ground,
in the darkest hour of the night.
Why do they hate me?
Why do they want to put me in hell?

So I made a mistake,
May I not be pardoned
And be given a chance to embrace a new life?
I speak the truth
But do they really believe?

Oh Lord, thank you for a helper.
A helper that came in the nick of time
To hear my cries
To give me hope
To lighten the burden of my heart.

I am not alone.

Free my soul, oh God
I cried out for Jesus
My refuge and strength
If anyone hates me, let me remember that they had hated Him first
If I suffer, let me remember that He had suffered thousand times more

I persevere for the glory of Your righteousness
Not by my might,
But by the power of Your Spirit
That dwells within me.

Riches of the world, I have none
But I give you thanks for the gift of prayer.
For when I am robbed of everything,
I can pray
And I know You are still there
in my heart

I am Your beloved.

2004-11-29T14:11:00.000+08:00

Thanksgiving is a traditional American holiday. Everyone gets into the festive mood to celebrate - eat, shop, travel and be merry.

For me, this thanksgiving is rather different. It isn't a season for celebration. Instead, it is a season for healing.

I must say it is tough to walk closely with God. Over the last 3 months, I couldn't help but to wonder why is life so hard for me? why do I seem to be going through more ordeals compared to my peers (even those who believe in Jesus)? Am I at fault to get myself into a bad situation? All these questions swirled in my mind like a mini-tornado. The ruthless tornado seemed to have swept away my fond memories of what I used to believe in, what I used to enjoy and what I used to draw my strength from.

While I stand in awe at the beauty of a human mind, I came to the realisation that although our wonderful minds were given to us to do great and good things, somehow it could lead us to the dark side - to think of things that we don't necessary find pleasure or peace in (worries). The occurance of both positive and negative (good and bad) thoughts is very real in my life. Why does this happen? Can I control it?

Before I think any further, I decided to get back to my roots - the bible. In the Garden of Eden, God told them not to eat the fruits from the tree of knowledge of good and evil because it was no good for them. When I first heard about the story, I asked why? Why was the fruit from the tree of knowledge was bad for people? Isn't it wonderful to know things around us? If God loves us, why would He deprive us of intelligence?

Well, I think I figured the truth. God, our creator, made us brilliant. Perhaps, the original mind that God has created for us did not know how to think negatively, ie. there was only good thoughts, good actions, good everything.

What a relevation!

Let go and let God

2004-11-19T16:37:00.000+08:00

Many a times, the harder I try, the more things got worse.
Can someone tell me why?
Aren't we suppose to hang in there and try to make things better?

Yes, God tells us not to give up because He is our hope.
Then what is wrong? why do I try and fail?

Well, I try because I don't believe - in His faithful, undying love. I fail because I am imperfect. I am no God.

God is not as supernatural as some people think. Sometimes, I get into that mode too. That is the danger because God is so close to our daily lives. He doesn't live in a fantasy world. All He desires and delights in is for us to try to be His beloved.

Let go and let God.
Letting God take charge means we follow. Can we resist the calling of our human nature and let God love us? Are we willing to let God heal us of our shames, hurts and illnesses? Am we willing to rest in His finished work?

It is hard, He knows it. It's like losing control of our lives. What are we going to hang on to if we let go? Well, as christians, we have God to fall back on. We are not suffering children without a loving Father. Hence, He wants us to try hard. Try hard to let go of what we don't believe about Him. Till then, He has to stand aside and wait patiently for our approval.

For all who have been trying to resist believing in His great love, I pray that you will try to let go and give Him a chance to love you completely.